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4,000 years and a day   
05:49pm 30/05/2006
  has passed since i last rambled on an electric journal.

i was pretty irritated with some petty people the last time i wrote something it seems...

eh, some people will always be petty and that will always be irritating.
my life is beautiful. busy, but beautiful.

a great deal has happened in my life.

caelin is breathtaking- he'll be 4 months old soon...
i'm still doing the two job thing but it's getting old fast so i dunno how long i'll keep that up-
because, the summer is here, and i want to be able to use it- visit people, go places, do all that designated for summer stuff. sheesh it looks like i may even go camping for the first time in my liiiife this summer.

i think i'm going to do a poetry reading this weekend. word.

if i haven't spoken to you lately... i miss you. all of you.
 
     

(2 knots in the noose)

 
you kids and all your problems...   
01:37pm 20/07/2005
 
mood: i'm leaving...
music: fix you.
"i'm such a failure."

"no one wants to be around me"

"i don't like who i am"

"i'm bipolar"

"i'm broken hearted"

"i'm a chainsmoker"

"this is it, this is the end of it all"


what the $%@&% is with you people.
YOU'RE BREATHING. YOU'RE LIVING. YOU'RE TEARING YOURSELF APART.

life happens and if you don't want it then it's your own fault...
maybe you end up alone or only with people that want to
comisserate with you because that is all you are- is miserable.

get some worth for yourself because no one else- no matter how many times they hug you- sleep with you- give you words of encouragement... can prove to YOURSELF that you are worthy.

and if you tell yourself you aren't worth being happy...
i hope you choke on your tears.

selfdestruction is disgusting.
it's not a fad.
 
     

(2 knots in the noose)

 
things said fade   
11:36am 14/07/2005
 
mood: through with these people
and you point (fingers)
and you sob (deeply)
full of words you have to use,
whether or not you mean them
(do you even know what they mean?)
ignorantisastrongword
when used where it belongs...
as a prefix to you.
you press yourself allover
a bare and broken....
me.
for this we shall not stand.
and (you point fingers)
and (you sob deeply)
it was never my place...
never make it my place.
(beg and plead)
me for attention

"alright, i am attentively seeing how incredible depraved this situation has become"
so now, what?
i tried to be there for you because you aren't even there for yourself...
(none of my attention can heal your self inflicted wounds)
youdoittoyourself
why does this apply to everysingleone? everysingletime?
words are strong when you know what they mean
...do you even know what they mean?...
(and you point fingers)
(and you sob deeply)

words are strong.
and i have no more for you.
 
     

(in the noose)

 
the biggest crime against humanity is apathy   
01:39pm 02/07/2005
 
mood: hopeful
music: live 8 performances


turn it on vh1... mtv... cnn... leave it on live 8 coverage today.
the numbers of people watching reflect the support of the live 8 campaign in the US.
it's really simple.

go to live8.com
go to one.org
go to whiteband.org

sign the petitions if you agree...
get informed.
remember your humanity...

G8 is meeting from the 6th to 9th this year.
you have the chance to use your voice,

you live in a country where you can vote,
you can petition,
you can make your beliefs be heard-

(the question is now, really, what do you believe in?)
saving a dying country?
reaching out a hand that is more able to help than many others?

or just complacency...

everyone lives...
some just make their lives matter.
 
     

(in the noose)

 
white bands...   
02:29pm 01/07/2005
 
mood: accomplished
White Band Day 1 around the world

The wrapping of St Paul’s Cathedral in London in a white band today, kickstarted a series of events for White Band Day 1 in the UK. St Paul’s Cathedral was but one of many famous landmarks adorned with huge white bands on 1st July, as part of Global Call to Action against Poverty (GCAP) week of action, during which campaigners and the public in 72 countries used their voices to call for an end to poverty.

A female pop artist and schoolgirls also presented UK Prime Minister Tony Blair with messages made as part of the Global Campaign for Education (GCE) “Send My Friend to School” Challenge. In the biggest engagement of children across the globe, young people in 110 countries made more than three million cut-out figures, dubbed “friends”, to represent the 100 million children missing an education, the majority of whom are girls.

“This inspiring event today replicates similar activities globally, The G8 leaders can no longer ignore the worldwide call for action when they meet in Gleneagles next week”, said GCAP Chair, Kumi Naidoo. “People in rich and poor countries are standing up to say that they will not accept inaction, indifference and timidity.”

The children also travelled in a GCE Red Bus, with their ‘friends’, to deliver messages to each of the G8 Embassies, as well as to Prime Minister Tony Blair, asking them to act on education.

“If we don’t get all children in the world’s poorest countries into school by 2015, it will mean 10 million mums and children will die unnecessarily, 3.5 million more avoidable cases of HIV/AIDS and as much as a 3 per cent loss in economic growth, “ said Lucia Fry, Policy Advisor to the Global Campaign for Education.

“Send My Friend to School” forms part of the children’s Make Poverty History Campaign, the UK coalition of the Global Call to Action against Poverty.
 
     

(in the noose)

 
what you are looking for is not on this keyboard... please look elsewhere   
12:55am 26/06/2005
 
mood: distressed
music: gorillaz
life is what happens to people
while they sit and type about how it should be...





you only have one-
do you want to enjoy it?

life is too precious and short
to make it into something it is not...
to make it a production,
to make yourself miserable,
to worry about people who want to be unhappy.

complacency is only present when invited in.

enjoy your real, stripped down, not made for TV
life.
your drive to work,
your over dramatic friends,
the bmw that cut you off in traffic.

you only live... you only breathe

for this short time...







you only have one...
you don't have to make it so hard.
 
     

(4 knots in the noose)

 
Archaeologists find 2,000-year-old shoe   
11:58am 11/05/2005
 
music: desaparacidos
Preserved in hollow tree in southwest England.
 
     

(1 knot in the noose)

 
sloppy vandals   
03:25pm 06/05/2005
  somebody egged my car... and left the egg carton...

thats frikken hilarious.
 
     

(4 knots in the noose)

 
   
02:49pm 22/04/2005
  uhm. i think there is a hurricane outside.
thats lump.
 
     

(in the noose)

 
   
02:05pm 31/03/2005
  mitch hedberg is dead.  
     

(2 knots in the noose)

 
apocalypse   
12:15pm 31/03/2005
 
mood: surprised
music: she's a killer queen.
AHHHH

i have a cell phone, its been almost a year.

i hope i remember how to use it.

IM me if you need the number, holmes.
thisishappeningx
 
     

(2 knots in the noose)

 
the poets breathed something true   
09:46am 21/03/2005
  you shall above all things be glad and young
For if you're young,whatever life you wear


it will become you;and if you are glad
whatever's living will yourself become.
Girlboys may nothing more than boygirls need:
i can entirely her only love


whose any mystery makes every man's
flesh put space on;and his mind take off time


that you should ever think,may god forbid
and (in his mercy) your true lover spare:
for that way knowledge lies,the foetal grave
called progress,and negation's dead undoom.


I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
-eec


i want to be that innocent... i want to love that innocently.
 
     

(1 knot in the noose)

 
   
11:17am 11/03/2005
 
mood: confused
music: elijah is singing
i'm moving again...
into a cute house that i like.
i've lost a lot of contact with everyone.
i see justin brooke and jamey on a daily basis...
and grace and chase when they are around
that's about it.
sometimes i wonder where i'm going.
if sometimes means most of the time.
heh. buckle your seatbelt i suppose.






"baby don't let it hurt tonight as i twist this knife i will pry you open."
save your wings for your bleeding heart as you fall apart you will hear
your mother say,
"baby girl, no one that can hurt you is worth hurting for."
so i've been thinking of leaving.
"baby girl, no one that will hurt you is worth hurting for."

don't call me baby anymore.
 
     

(3 knots in the noose)

 
   
12:06pm 01/03/2005
  "a little self searching"
spoke the greeneyed girl
as she kicked her feet in the dust,
"i owe it to myself and all the others"

"i don't know if i've ever been loved
by any lips that have prayed with mine;
but i have loved- i have."

(always from a safe distance)
she reminds herself through
blurry tears and clenched teeth.

the game is- who is worth it?
let them in and let them
re-
e-
valuate
what is important in you.

enter young strange boy (with too many questions)

"you have loved you say?
you've let people in?
where are they girl, and why are you hiding?
i see you here... but only you...
and these papers...
these."

(reminders of visitors)

Oh the girl.
she looks down and her face
bright red
from the question and how close it came to her heart.

"yes."

"i said i had." she quivered.

"i am here alone, stranger, because i asked them all to leave."

the boy interjected once more with a word sharper than she herself had ever made
"why?"

the girl sobbed, and buried her face in the ground.
The words and reminders and dirt she had surrounded herself with was caked on her cheeks and hands.

"they compromise my safety!", she screeches .
her breathing haults.
blood drips through her fingers,
a small silver heart she held in her hands
(for 19 years)
shattered.

the boy walks to her- and tilts his head when he understands what has happened.
he wraps his fingers around her bloody hands and whispers in her ear-
"it is not the visitors who have hurt you, it is how long you have clung to this..."
as he turned her hand upside down and dropped the peices of her proposed safety on the ground.

across her hand he writes in the blood she held-

i will stay if you let me

she says,
"i will."
 
     

(2 knots in the noose)

 
frankie died just the other night.   
11:14am 21/02/2005
 
mood: amused
music: "thecrue"-dr. feelgood
i saw motley crue last night.

i don't care how old they are - they kicked it out.
'twas awesome.
 
     

(1 knot in the noose)

 
Hunter Stocton Thompson   
11:12am 21/02/2005
 
mood: blah
music: TMBG- they'll need a crane
shot himself in the head and was found sunday in his home.
he is survived by his wife and his son.

thank you hunter s. thompson for sharing your talent with the world.
 
     

(1 knot in the noose)

 
cupid doesnt carry arrows; he carries a noose.   
11:22am 14/02/2005
 
mood: right?
music: take it easy (love nothing)
happy valentines day.
 
     

(1 knot in the noose)

 
i suppose this is a date...   
06:40pm 13/10/2004
  people are beautiful.
individuals are powerful, connections are breathtaking between souls

-male. female. child. adult. happy. sad. social. alone.

people spend too much time prioritizing what a relationship is and what it consists of...
and not enough time cherishing their connections to those very people to whom their hearts speak.
 
     

(4 knots in the noose)

 
and everything is more temporary than the next.   
07:51pm 03/10/2004
 
mood: empty
music: jamey playing the viola
so. i may have overreacted.

-bill




that's right kiddo,that's right.
 
     

(6 knots in the noose)

 
2710261   
03:13pm 10/09/2004
 
The \\\\
Last Cigarette:clove... yesterday...
Last Alcoholic Drink:wine- 3 days ago...
Last Car Ride:32minutesago
Last Kiss:i don't remember the last time i was kissed.
Last Good Cry:august 25th
Last Library Book:"art in the 20th century"
Last book bought:"Colors Insulting to Nature" advanced readers copy
Last Book Read:"Naked Lunch"
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"
Last Movie Rented:a george melies biography film
Last Cuss Word Uttered:"daaaaamn"
Last Beverage Drank:coffee.
Last Food Consumed:noodles.
Last Crush:i currently have a crush on everyone.... yep. thats right.
Last Phone Call:someone called my house 3 times this morning and hung up all three times.
Last TV Show Watched:reno911
Last Time Showered:this morning at 942am
Last Shoes Worn:im wearing my 3dollachucks
Last CD Played:"goodnews..."
Last Item Bought:uhm. i bought... lemme see. sheesh... oh! mascara, i bought some mascara yesterday
Last Download:i dont have internet access regularly
Last Annoyance:not getting my paycheck cashed.
Last Disappointment:not hitting on people that i should really hit on next time i see them...
Last Soda Drank:cream soda woot!
Last Thing Written:"cream soda woot!"
Last Key Used:"
Last Words Spoken:"yeah that would be nice."
Last Sleep:heavy sleep from 1amto930am
Last Ice Cream Eaten:that crap josh brookes had in his freezer- it was guhreat.
Last Chair Sat In:this hard wooden chair i am currently in.
Last Webpage Visited:http://www.kwiz.biz/simplesurveys/do-survey.php

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
 
     

(1 knot in the noose)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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